
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1893867.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Armin_Arlert/Levi
  Character:
      Armin_Arlert, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Eren_Yeager, Mikasa_Ackerman
  Additional Tags:
      Eating_Disorders, only_slight_eating_disorders, Rape/Non-con_Elements,
      Rape_Aftermath, Blow_Jobs, Public_Blow_Jobs, Hand_Jobs, Scars, Blood,
      Slut_Shaming
  Series:
      Part 2 of Stealing_color_(_rainbow_of_secrets_)
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-04 Words: 2628
****** Orange Like The Setting Sun ******
by Dirade
Summary
     Aftermath of Levi's raping of Armin Arlert. Armin forgives Levi for
     all he has done.
Notes
     This takes place about a week or so after 'Red Like My Shattered
     Heart'. I actually change tenses accidentally in my writing and I'm
     too lazy to fix it, so please bear with me on any grammar, spelling,
     or tense mistakes.
See the end of the work for more notes
Orange is the color of the sun just when it is about to set.
Orange is the color of the carrots that the cadets feed their horses.
Orange is the color of the flowers that grow near the bunks.
Orange is the color of Armin’s blood on sheets.
Orange is the color of Levi breaking him open, orange is the color that is
close but doesn’t quite mean stop, orange is the color Armin saw behind his
eyelids when Levi wouldn't stop, orange is the color of the marks left on his
body from the bondage, orange is the color he sees when he turns too fast,
flinching away from his friends, orange is -
Armin doesn’t realize he’s hyperventilating until he hears Eren’s voice,
layered with saccharine concern. “Armin. Armin! Are you okay? You look kinda
pale … “ Armin shakes his head rapidly, a throbbing starting behind his eyes.
“I’m fine! I’m okay, I just … I just was just thinking.” Armin let the excuse
fall easily from his lips, already trained to lie effortlessly and without
thought.
“What were you thinking about?” Eren asks innocently.
‘Oh, nothing much. Just thinking about how our commanding officer raped me and
I can't do anything about it. Who would believe me over him?’ Armin thinks, but
doesn't say anything more than, “I dunno. I kinda forgot.” Followed by a short,
hollow laugh.
He can feel Mikasa’s eyes burning into the back of his skull. He doesn't know
how much she’s figured out, but he’s not going to ask her. He’s not going to
share how he was too weak to fight, too weak to do anything but cry. It’s the
last shred of dignity he has, and he clings to it, keeping his secret buried
deep under laughs and smiles and excuses.
Time ticks on and soon it’s time for lunch. Armin follows Eren and Mikasa to
the dining hall, glancing over his shoulder every few steps to make sure Levi
hasn't appeared. He won’t admit it even to himself, but he’s scared of him. His
breathing quickens, his heart races; just as it did before. Just like when they
were … in love. But did Levi ever love him? Was he just a fun sex toy he could
discard at any time? Did he think about Armin as much as Armin thought about
him? Part of Armin hoped he did. Part of him still craved Levi’s touch, his
approval, his love.
They get their allotted food and sit down at a long table with the rest of the
104th, loud speech and the clink of silverware filling the air. Armin feels
safe. Levi wouldn't dare touch him in front of this many people. Armin is
protected by the presence of his friends.
But that doesn't stop the wave of fear that threatens to drown him when he sees
Levi walk into the dining hall, his ever stoic expression pasted on his face.
Armin had been one of the few who got to see past that facade, and he longs to
see past it again, but he can't let himself think that, he can’t let himself
want that, but he does, he does, he does.
Levi starts to walk toward their table, catching Armin’s eyes for only an
instant before Armin looks away, staring at the bread on his plate. He still
sees the malicious grin that passes over the corporal’s face.
Armin is not hungry. This is the usual state of things; ever since that night
Armin hasn't had an appetite, hasn't eaten more than a few bites of food each
day. He’s losing weight, muscle deteriorating from his already frail frame. It
isn’t good, makes it harder to train, makes his head spin. He knows he should
be eating more, but he can't force himself to put anything inside his filthy,
filthy body. He still feels filthy, no matter how many showers he takes, no
matter how hard he scrubs. Maybe that feeling will never go away. Maybe Armin
will never be able to love someone the way he loved Levi. Maybe it was his fate
to be alone and frightened. Maybe -
“Sir!” People around him are standing, curling fists over their hearts and
Armin doesn't know why until he hears an all too familiar voice.
“Sit down, brats.” The soldiers obey Corporal Levi, seating themselves and
slowly resuming normal conversation, parting around their superior like water
around a boulder. Armin can feel his presence behind him, and when he speaks he
flinches, breath hitching in his throat. “Arlert. Come with me.”
Armin doesn't want to listen, he doesn't want to be alone with him, he doesn't
want to be hurt again, he doesn't want to go. But he does. He can't make a
scene, not here, not now. They aren't truly alone yet, so he can't do anything
too bad, right? And that same twisted part of him wants Levi to apologize, to
kiss him and say he’s sorry and let them go back to the way things were before.
Part of him wants desperately to be loved again.
As they head into the adjoining hallway, Armin almost doesn't hear the second
set of footsteps behind them, but when he turns he finds Mikasa, silently
following the two of them out of the dining hall. They stop just out of view of
the other soldiers, and Levi whirls on the two of them with cold, calculating
eyes. “Ackerman. What do you need?”
Mikasa salutes him, raising her chin and staring down at the shorter male.
“Nothing, sir.”
“Then why are you here?” He asks venomously.
“For Armin, sir.”
Levi pauses, processing this. “You can have him later. He’ll be back before the
end of lunch. Now leave us.”
“I’m afraid I can't do that, sir.” Mikasa doesn't falter in her stance, but her
eyes flash with something Armin can't quite identify.
“Soldier Ackerman, that is an order. Leave us be.” They stare into each other’s
eyes, and Armin wonders who will look away first. Neither does.
“No.”
Levi is silent. “Are you disobeying my order, soldier?” The words are low and
dangerous ( just like when Levi had claimed him, just like when he’d whispered
the word ‘mine’ into Armin’s ear ).
Armin tugged on Mikasa’s sleeve, momentarily pulling her away from Levi’s
prying gaze. “Mikasa, I’ll be fine. I mean, this is Levi we’re-”
“I don't know what he did to you.” Mikasa interrupted, grabbing on to Armin’s
shoulder. “But I’m not going to let him do it again.” Armin truly appreciated
Mikasa’s concern, but this was something he could handle on his own. He didn't
need to drag others down with him.
“Listen, Mikasa.” Armin’s mind raced for an excuse, anything to get her to
leave well enough alone. Whatever happened, it would be made worse if Mikase
didn't just go away. “I professed my love for him and he rejected me, that’s
all. That’s why I’ve been avoiding him. That’s all it is. “
“Is that why you haven't been eating recently?”
“Yes! Yes, and he’s probably just going to make me clean the courtyard or
something, so I’m fine, Mikasa. Really. “
She looked at him skeptically. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I promise.” The lie tasted bitter on his tongue.
Mikasa shot another glare at Levi before stalking off, wrapping her scarf more
securely around her neck. She didn't look back.
When she was out of sight Armin felt hot breath on his neck, and he flinched,
his eyes clenching shut as scorching lips find their way to his neck. He
trembles just barely under the touch, the hand roaming across his concave
stomach.
“So you've been starving yourself, eh? You really shouldn't do that, Arlert.
Could mess with your training.”
The emotions boiling inside him bubbled over, clearing away his normally timid
physique to that of just barely suppressed anger. “If you’re going to do
something just do it.” He growled, turning to face his commanding officer.
“Oh, feisty, aren't you?” Levi grinned, a cheshire showing of teeth. His long,
slender fingers knotted in Armin’s golden hair, pulling and forcing the younger
boy to bare his neck. Levi kissed the pale column of his throat, biting the
juncture between neck and shoulder softly. Armin shuddered, his breath
catching. “I still love you, you know.” The words were sudden and Armin froze,
his breathing stopped completely.
Armin pushed Levi away, his hands trembling as he does so. “You can't … you
can't do this to me. One minute there and the next minute…” ‘raping me’. But he
doesn't say it, too scared or too tired. “I can't love you anymore. Not after …
not after … “ Not after that night, not after Levi had ignored his pleas, not
after he’d taken so much from him; his pride, his virginity, his heart.
Levi’s steel eyes, eyes he had once loved, eyes that had looked at him so
tenderly, met his blue ones. “But you do, don't you?” Levi asked knowingly.
Armin doesn't know why he nods. Levi is close, so close that Armin can count
his eyelashes, so close he can feel his warm breath. “I’m sorry, Armin. I
didn't mean to hurt you. “ Armin can't look at him, but his heart swells almost
painfully. This is exactly how he pictured it in every fantasy he’s had since
that night. Levi, still in love with him, truly sorry for what he had done,
assuring Armin it would never happen again. And he wanted so desperately to be
loved, to feel that again and when he’d lost it he’d lost a part of himself and
Levi was the only thing that could fill the hole he’d left behind. “Can you
forgive me, sweetheart?” That voice; so kind and gentle, so different from that
night. It was like they weren’t even the same person. Maybe if Armin thought
about it that way it wouldn't hurt as much.
Levi’s hand caressed Armin’s face, drawing him in close for a barely there
brushing of lips. He
just wanted to be loved, he just wanted Levi to love him, he knew it was wrong
but he wanted it so badly that he couldn't think straight. But still; Levi had
hurt him. Levi was stronger, faster, had more power than Armin in the
government. He could snap again, break Armin again at any given time and Armin
wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Could he trust that?
“I- I’m not sure, sir.”
“Let’s test it, then.” Armin doesn't know what Levi means until he’s forced to
his knees, Levi pressing on his shoulders. Levi’s cock is out before Armin
knows what happening, and the hand tangled in his hair pushes his head forward,
until his lips are brushing the pale foreskin. “Suck.”
Armin jerks his head backward, not enough to dislodge Levi’s hand but enough to
get away, to not have that bitter taste on his lips. “No!” Not again, not
again, he can't let himself fall in love again, submit again, can't let this
happen again.
Levi forces Armin’s head back to the previous position. “That’s an order,
Arlert. Suck.” Levi doesn't love him, this isn’t love, this isn't what Armin
wants. The blonde shakes his head frantically, his hair tugging painfully on
his skull. Levi pinches his nose shut and suddenly Armin can't breath and his
lungs are burning and he has to open his lips but he doesn't want to, he
doesn't want to, but he needs oxygen and struggling is futile. When he at last
opens his lips, Levi’s cock is shoved inside him, making him choke as Levi
releases his nose and finally Armin can breath again. He doesn't want to bite
down because, for all Levi’s done to him, he still loves him, still doesn't
want to hurt him. So he sucks, the same as he used to, with the same love and
care and earnest effort. “That’s a good boy.” He hears the words as if from a
distance, garbled through deep water. When he feels Levi’s thighs tremble, he
swallows him completely, his gag reflex weakened from this very activity. When
Levi’s seed spills down his throat Armin swallows, maybe because that’s what
he’s used to doing, maybe because he just wants to taste Levi again, to know
that some of the other is inside himself.
Levi tells him to stand up and Armin does, only now aware of the ache in his
own groin, used to reacting like this when Levi is around, when Armin is on his
knees before his superior. “You’ve had your fun, sir. Please let me leave. “
Levi just smiles that same, sharp toothed smile.
“But you haven't had your fun yet.” He palms Armin’s groin and the younger boy
bites back a moan at the gentle contact, sending waves of pleasure up his body.
“Look at you, getting hard just from sucking me off. You’re such a slut,
Armin.” He purrs, the sound echoing in Armin’s ear.
“D-don't call me that.” His voice sounds weak as he says it.
“Sorry, baby. Just slipped out.” That low, seductive voice doesn't sound sorry,
and the way Levi kisses his neck doesn't feel sorry, and Armin knows Levi isn't
sorry but forgives him anyway. “Please forgive me. I can make you feel good. I
promise.” He whispers against Armin’s neck. His hands are pulling Armin’s pants
down, taking his cock from confinement and stroking him to full hardness. Armin
shakes under the touches, biting back the noises that threaten to spill from
his lips.
“L- Levi… someone will see-”
Levi silences him with a kiss. Armin’s orgasm approaches within minutes, and
his groan is muffled by Levi’s lips against his own. Levi tucks Armin back into
his pants, holding his semen soaked fingers in front of Armin’s face. “Clean
it.” Armin does, licking the bitter taste from his commander’s slender digits.
“Do you forgive me yet?”
Armin can't resist those steely eyes, he can't resist that jet black hair, he
can't resist Levi no matter how hard he tries. He wants to be loved by him. He
will always want to be loved by him. “Yes.” Armin finally says. “I forgive
you.” They seal the deal with a kiss.
 
That night Armin is summoned to the corporal’s quarters. When he arrives, Levi
opens the door to a candlelit room and a bottle of wine. Although Armin doesn't
like the taste of it, he drinks it anyway, because it dulls the doubt in his
heart.
When Levi speaks Armin almost drops his wine glass. “Tonight we’ll do whatever
you want. Your wish is my command.” Armin wonders if Levi’s ever said this to
someone else.
Even though Armin would like nothing more than to cuddle and have Levi whisper
assurances to him, he knows Levi’s words were pertaining to sex. He knows Levi
wants sex. And even though tonight is his night ( just like how that night was
Levi’s so long ago ), he does what Levi wants. Armin asks for slow, passionate
intimacy. Levi concedes, letting Armin ride him because he’s still afraid of
being held down, of being trapped again. It is everything Armin had imagined it
would be. Afterward they cuddle and finish the bottle of wine ( mostly Levi
finishes the bottle of wine ), and Armin’s heart is so full of love and relief
it could burst. Levi only calls him a whore once, and this time Armin doesn't
correct him. Neither mentions the scar that spells out Levi’s name, stretched
across his stomach.
When Armin heads back to the boy’s bunks he feels lighter than ever, and, for
the first time in days, he feels clean. He feels new. He feels madly, deeply in
love.
He does not notice Mikasa’s watchful eyes.
End Notes
     So, there you have it. The only known record of Armin being an idiot.
     Let us pray for his survival. In the mean time, stay tuned for the
     next installment!
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